So sorry for the delay!! I didn't get any notification... have to figure out how to use this forum, too, lol...
Ok, to aswer the ??s... yes, the xref was removed, and no it was never bound so the layers at the bottom were still separated... can only delete them from the attribute manager.
I was never able to figure out what was triggering the in-use check in the attribute manager... i courageously deleted them anyway and never missed anything, though I feel this is generally a bad idea!
Thanks!